


Life Ain't Worth Living Without The One You Love

by m4jor3tt3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Mild descriptions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 02:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5522333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m4jor3tt3/pseuds/m4jor3tt3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kind of a continuation of "We Were Just Children With Eyes Opening." Poe gets sent out on a recon mission that doesn't go quite as planned. </p>
<p>Title from Oscar Isaac's rendition of "Fare Thee Well (Dink's Song.)"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Ain't Worth Living Without The One You Love

__

_"How long will you be gone?"_

_"General Organa said two weeks tops."_

_That's a long time."_

_"Yeah."_

Their final goodbye is short, but feels like an eternity. Rey told Poe, "Don't die," and gave him a brief hug, but Finn had lingered around the hangar while Poe did final checks on his ship. Jessika was yelling at him to hurry up, that they were supposed to leave five minutes ago, but Poe just rolled his eyes and smirked.

"She's louder than I thought she'd be when I first met her," Finn joked as Poe helped BB-8 into its position. Poe chuckled, running a hand through his hair briefly as he looked over his vessel with bittersweet pride. His shoulders slumped down and he sighed, then found himself blushing softly as he felt a large, warm hand slip into his own. He looked over to Finn, who was giving him a sweet smile; Poe smiled back, then released his hand to throw his arms around him tightly. "Two weeks," he said, voice muffled from having his face pressed into Finn's shoulder. He was wearing his jacket, _the jacket_. The dry smell of sand and fuel had been masked by the scent of long showers and grass and blaster discharge (he'd noticed how much time Finn liked to spend outside, away from the base, away from it all. He wondered what he did when he went out by himself, but he also felt it best to let him have time to himself, and somehow knowing that Finn had a private part of his life he kept away from him, even Rey, made their relationship feel more secure.) He felt Finn's strong arms wind around his waist, pulling him close and tight; Poe's fingers twisted into the worn leather of his jacket and he shut his eyes tightly. "Two weeks," Finn repeated against Poe's ear, and goosebumps rose up on his skin. Poe took a deep breath, memorizing that smell of home, before he pulled away reluctantly, his hands remaining on Finn's forearms.

"Oh my _God _, I'm going to throw up- _Dameron_ , we have to _leave_!"__

____

Poe sighed and rolled his eyes, lifting his hand to squeeze Finn's shoulder before he turned to climb into the cockpit of his ship. Finn took a step back and stuffed his hands into his pockets, watching as Poe found his helmet and placed it on his head, curls flattening out on his forehead. He switched on the channel to the rest of the fleet, and was immediately greeted by Jessika making loud, obnoxious kissing sounds. He rolled his eyes and flipped a switch, catching Finn waving as the front of the cockpit folded down. Once it latched shut, Poe sighed into his headset as he scripted through the startup checklist. "Could you be any more childish, Pava?" He asked as they took off.

"I mean, you could've left your mushy puppy love bullshit out of the hangar, but that was your choice."

"Pilots, you know this channel is for mission use only, right?" Interrupted another voice- General Organa. Poe swallowed and laughed awkwardly, shrugging a shoulder. "You got it, General."

"Yeah, what Dameron said." Jessika responded. Poe could practically hear the general roll her eyes before she rattled off a location.

*****

One week passed. Then another three days. The mission consisted of a combination of sky and groundwork, infiltrating a First Order base who the general had suspicions of attacking D'Qar. Poe tried his hardest to always be on the air team, knowing he could keep himself safe in an X-Wing. Ground fighting was not his strong suit- he could hold himself in battle, but the sky was where he thrived, where he knew he could help others, as well as guarantee his own safety.

Three days passed with no progress, then another five. The fleet was grounded to make repairs and patch up the injured. Poe sat nervously by his own ship, playing with his fingers. BB-8 rolled by, beeping concernedly.

[Poe Dameron is not functioning at maximum capacity.]

"Gee, what gave it away?" Poe murmured with a roll of his eyes, pulling his knees up toward his chest. The droid rolled closer.

[The fleet reached the two week mark of the mission exactly four days ago. General Leia Organa guaranteed the Resistance they would be back at the base by this time.]

"Ever the observant one, I see."

[Poe Dameron is worried about the status of the mission. He is also worried about the status of FN-2187.]

Poe flinched, turning to face the droid and dropping his voice to a harsh whisper. "I told you not to call him that. You know his name."

BB-8 hesitated.

[Apologies. Poe Dameron is worried about the status of... Finn.]

Poe grunted, turning back to look up at Jessika from across their hideout, watching as she wound bandages around a sharpshooter's shoulder. He sighed softly, looking down.

"We'll be back soon enough. We haven't found any intel to confirm the general's suspicions, but that might just mean they weren't going to attack."

[Poe Dameron could contact the Resistance base to talk to Finn?]

"The general'd never allow it. She'd say it's unprofessional and I should be worrying about the task at hand." He responded, imitating the general's voice.

[Is General Leia Organa incorrect?]

"I-"

"Hey, Dameron," Jessika called, brushing her hair over her shoulder before placing her hands on her hips. "If you're done with your droid sleepover, get over here."

Poe looked down at BB-8, who beeped apologetically before rolling back up toward the ship. Poe sighed and stood, making his way across camp to Jessika. She wore a grim expression, and folded her arms across her chest. 

"Chief is real worried about this mission," she said softly, looking up at Poe. "Says we need to stay and pick the place clean before we go back. Doesn't wanna take any chances."

Poe's eyes went wide. "She said two weeks! We haven't found anything, so why should-"

"I don't know, okay?" Jessika interrupted before sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. "But I don't want to get in a fight with Leia Organa, especially when ninety percent of the time, her hunches are right."

Poe sighed, rubbing at his face tiredly before shaking his head. "Is that all?"

"Actually, no," Jessika said after a bit, glancing around briefly before taking Poe's arm and pulling him to the camp's edge- out of earshot.

"Listen, you're our best air team captain, we all know it, and that's all well and good. But you've also been brought in by First Order guys before."

"What are you getting at, Pava?"

"I'm..." she sighed again, dropping her voice to a private whisper. "I know you don't want to be on the ground team, I totally understand, but... you're our best hope at finding anything the general would find useful."

Poe scoffed, folding his arms and shaking his head. "The answer's no."

"Come on, Poe," Jessika insisted, pleaded. "I can understand why you would be scared, but you think the rest of us aren't? I am goddamned _terrified_ we won't make it back, but I'm still trying my hardest to keep the rest of these guys alive and try and find any information we can find useful. If you go in with the ground team, I'm sure we can find... something-"

"Something? Do you even have any idea what we could be looking for? I'm not doing it, Jess, and that's final."

He turned to walk back toward his ship, but he heard Jessika sigh behind him. "We all have someone we want to make it back to, Poe," she said. He stopped, his eyes on the ground before he shook his head and turned back to face Jessika reluctantly.

"What exactly do you need me to do?"

*****

The plan seemed simple in writing, overly simple even. A group of five grounds men would push through an opening made a few days prior into the base. The base was small, meaning the number of adversaries would be small, as well- they thought it wouldn't be a problem, but if it hadn't been a problem they would be on their way back to D'Qar already, and Poe wouldn't be worrying about every tiny sound that he heard, every slight shadow he saw. They were to shoot at every First Order bastard they saw, whether they injured or killed wasn't important anymore. The command center, according to the typical layout of a base like this, was on the northern side, their entry point on the western. It was an in-and-out mission: shoot their way in, get to the command center, find anything useful, and get out with hopefully little bodily harm. Poe wasn't the leader of the ground team, but was second in command, having known the way the First Order worked their plans, having known the way they got their intel. He wanted to make this mission go as fast as possible, not wanting to linger around the base for any longer than he had to. But that was everyone's plan.

Getting in hadn't been too hard. Poe managed not to fire once, but kept his blaster close, finger a hair away from the trigger. The group split up- one staying behind to watch their entry point (Green), two heading to clear out anyone else on guard (Blue), and the final two, including Poe, went toward the command center (Red.) Firing was kept to a minimum for the Red team, but they could hear the blasting of guns and the clutter of bodies from the Blue team. Whether that clutter was of First Order members or their friends was a mystery, but they couldn't let that distract them from the task at hand.

Poe may not have been a great shot, but he knew how to keep quiet. Brance, the leader of the Red team, kept his guard up, and only shot when he needed to. Once they finally reached the command center, it was inhabited by three guards. Brance was pressed against one pillar near the entrance, Poe, the another. Branch signaled to him that he would take out two, and Poe could get the last one. It didn't quite matter if he missed or not, because he knew Brance would take out his two, and if it came down to it, Poe could simply be a distraction. Brance held up a hand; Poe braced himself-

An alarm sounded. Brance prepared himself to shoot. "Go!" He shouted, guns blazing, all need for quiet gone out the window. Poe was shaking, but he squeezed the grip tightly and ran from his position to the main computer. He heard Brance shout out in pain, but there was no crash of his body hitting the floor- at least, not yet. Poe bit his lip as he tried to manage his way into First Order files, searching for any attack plans, blueprints, anything at this point. His breathing was becoming erratic, and he heard the sound of something thumping against a nearby wall. He looked over, seeing Brance with the arm of his adversary pressed into his neck. Blood was trickling from his mouth down his chin, and he managed to get one good shot into the other man's side, sending him to the ground. Brance took a sharp breath, pressing the heel of his hand into his thigh, where blood had quickly soaked through his pant leg. "Son of a bitch had a knife on him," he laughed weakly, keeping his gun poised to shoot even though he was trying to stave off bleeding out. "These bastards fight dirty." Poe managed a weak smile before returning to scroll through seemingly endless useless material.

"Hey, if you could try and find something soon, that would be great," Brance said, hesitantly removing his hand from his leg to focus his gun down the hall. "I think Green team might've let some reinforcements slip."

"I'm trying, I'm trying-"

The sound of heavy footfall grew louder and louder, echoing down the hall. Brance fired, but winced, trying to keep his weight off his injured leg. Poe shook his head frustratedly, carding a hand through curls heavy with sweat. He bit down on his lip hard, then abandoned the computer, rushing to Brance's side. "We have to get out of here," he muttered, sliding an arm around his friend's back to get some weight off his leg as he aimed his blaster.

"But, we didn't get anything from-"

"You're _hurt_ , Brance," Poe snapped, throwing a glance over his shoulder before trying to head backwards, firing into the darkness. "There weren't supposed to be any casualties. There isn't anything there about an attack on D'Qar, and I don't want to stick around to- _fuck_!" He hissed, stumbling as a stray shot got him just above the knee. He faltered slightly, but focused his strength on keeping Brance on his feet. Every step backward shot fire up his leg, and he was breathing heavily; Brance pressed into his side. "Come on, buddy," he said, smiling weakly. "If we die like jackasses then Testor will be so pissed." Poe couldn't help but laugh, albeit it was a sad one, and he poised his blaster to shoot again. He looked over his shoulder to see how close to cover they were, but at the perfectly worst time, as another shot burned into his shoulder. He gasped with pain, his arm slipping from beneath Brance to grip at the fresh injury, his gun slipping from his hand. "Brance, get out of here," Poe insisted. "I can- shit..." He scrambled to find his gun again, holding it loosely as he managed to brace himself against the wall. "I can take 'em."

"Oh no, you don't, hero," Brance said with a laugh, managing to get his own arm around Poe, helping him to his feet. "No way I'm leaving you here. You don't get to have all the fun."

Poe couldn't help but smile slightly, but the expression quickly contorted into one of agony as a shot managed to hit him in the side, just below his ribs. He stumbled forward against Brance, and reached up with his free hand to grip at his shoulder. "C-come on," he panted, before he couldn't contain himself any longer, a pained scream ripping through his chest. He felt Brance's arm tighten around him as he hoisted him up over his shoulder. He took a deep breath as Brance's shoulder dug into the wound in his side, and fisted his hands into the back of Brance's jacket to keep himself from falling. His vision goes blurry for a moment, then goes to black entirely for another.

"B-Brance," he breathed, closing his eyes for what feels like a moment, but then suddenly, he's hit with a blast of cool air. He coughed, blinking quickly as he felt Brance still, catching his breath. "Just hang on, Poe," He muttered, sighing after a moment before running again.

*****

Everything was just one blurry flash after another. One flash was Brance finally collapsing, Poe somersaulting over his shoulder to lie on his back in the dirt, the sound of footsteps growing closer. He vaguely remembers propping himself up on his elbow briefly to aim his gun before ultimately falling back down. Another one is the sound of Jessika yelling at someone and tearing something open with her teeth, then a cold shock of pain against his shoulder. The rest is kind of a mess, he wasn't really able to place any faces or sounds, his mind flooded with realizations of new pains all over his body, aches in his muscles and bones. The last thing he recalls before blacking out completely is a memory: someone waving to him, and a smile as bright as a sun.

*****

When Poe finally jolted awake, it was with a loud scream, his back arching off of whatever he was lying on and his eyes screwed shut. Several pairs of hands were on him at once, trying to calm him down. The sound of a rapidly beeping heart monitor was deafening in his ears. His vision was still blurry, and he was looking around the room with a mad look in his eye. Nothing was in focus, thrashing against restraints he couldn't see, until he felt something cool against his forehead- a hand. He heard a voice, couldn't make out what it said or who it belonged to, but after it spoke, the pressure holding him down dissipated, and the room became quiet. He heard the beeps of the heart monitor slow down, and he found himself slowly relaxing again.

"Where-" He tried to speak, but his throat felt scratchy and dry. He coughed harshly, curling in on himself as each cough made his throat burn worse. The hand returned to his forehead and he took a deep, trembling breath before relaxing.

"You're in the med bay. You got shot three times. We almost lost you there."

"That wasn't-" He coughed into his shoulder, blinking rapidly to try and get his vision to focus. "What I was going to ask."

The source of the voice and hand hummed softly, then he felt it gently touch something in his arm- if it was true he was in a med bay, then it must've been an IV. He breathed in sharply, his blinking coming to a complete stop as he closed his eyes. "Get some rest," the voice said, and then footsteps. Then silence.

Poe fell asleep.

*****

When he woke again, it was much quieter. The room was empty, save for a medical droid who seemed to be taking his vitals. Poe blinked and opened his mouth to speak but once again found himself coughing. "Could I get some water?" He finally managed to say hoarsely, looking up at the droid.

"Certainly," it nodded, turning to the side to pull something- a small cup- off of a tray. Poe craned his neck as the droid tilted the cup against his lips, sighing heavily as the cool liquid soothed the burning in his throat for a moment. The droid set the cup back in its place, and Poe leaned back again, keeping his eyes open. "This is D'Qar, right?" He asked, tongue swiping out over dry, cracking lips.

"Poe Dameron is on D'Qar, yes. Being treated for severe injuries from his mission."

"Well, I figured that part out," he tried to joke, smiling slightly before sighing. "Who brought me in?"

"Jessika Pava. She, along with Brance, and five others, are also being treated."

Poe sat for a moment then shook his head. That meant four weren't being treated for injuries, which could mean they were safe and sound, or...

"Poe Dameron has had many visitors." The droid said cheerfully, breaking Poe away from his thoughts. Poe glanced over, arching an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? How long have I been out?"

"Poe Dameron was unconscious for approximately one hundred and twenty hours, with occasional restlessness."

Poe scoffed. Restlessness. That just meant he was either waking up before his meds wore off, or he was having night terrors. Or both. It was probably both. "Who's visited me?"

"General Leia Organa has spent many hours in Poe Dameron's room, as has Rey. The droid BB-8 often accompanies Rey. When she is permitted to move, Jessika Pava also visits. Usually, she must be restrained."

Poe laughed, shaking his head weakly before coming to a realization that made his heart sank. "Anyone else?" He asked.

"Negative."

Something tightened in his chest, and he swallowed and looked down. "Say, what are you pumping me full of right now?" He asked softly, eyes still downward.

"Standard issue pain killers. Your healing has come along considerably."

"How about you throw in some sleeping meds? Pretty please?"

The droid seemed taken aback- as taken aback as a droid could seem, anyway. "Poe Dameron should now be able to sleep without medical assistance."

He breathed out a short laugh, shaking his head before closing his eyes. "Well, here's hoping then."

*****

It took a week for the doctors to let him out of bed. Poe was surprised that Rey had been present to help him get to his feet. She had gone to his dorm to find him clothes that weren't hospital issued, but also came with some words that were a bit less than encouraging.

"Do you know how bad you scared me?" She asked a bit loudly as she helped Poe into his shirt.

" _You_ were scared? I thought I wasn't going to make it back at all! If Brance hadn't been there, the First Order would probably have my ass in a goddamn trash compactor."

Rey scoffed, pulling her hands back once Poe had settled his shirt over himself. He carefully rubbed at the bandages over his shoulder before moving his hand to the ones around his middle. Rey noticed his nervousness and sighed softly, picking up another folded article of clothing. "Yes, I was scared. I mean, all I had was Luke when Jess brought you in, and between you and me, he's really not the best person to go to for comfort."

Poe laughed, taking the clothes from her hands- a pair of pants- and shook his head. "I can only imagine." He managed to get his pants on about halfway, then sighed as he pressed his bare feet to the cold ground, winding an arm around the smaller girl's shoulders for balance. "Wait, what do you mean all you had was Luke?" He asked, brow furrowing as he fastened the front of his pants, careful to keep weight off of his injured leg. "Where's Finn?"

Rey's eyes widened slightly and she drew back from Poe before beginning to nervously play with her hands. Poe turned to face her, his hands going to grasp her forearms. "Rey. Where is Finn?"

Rey swallowed. "When you weren't back at the two week mark, General Organa wanted to send in reinforcements to look for you. And... Finn wanted to go out with that team."

Poe's eyes blew wide, his insides twisting painfully as his fingers dug into Rey's arms. "He went out on a recon mission?"

"They were only gone for two days- General Organa called them back once she heard from Jess. But..."

"But what, Rey?"

"Well, the ship Finn was on is back and in the hangar, but I haven't seen him. I mean, I haven't had the time to really look for him either, but-"

Poe had let go of Rey's arms and began to limp as quickly as he could out of the room, forgetting the rest of the clothes Rey had brought him. He heard her shouting behind him, but his mind was elsewhere. He made his way out of the med bay and into camp, searching frantically. "Finn?" He shouted out, causing a few heads to turn his way but immediately ignore him. Raising his voice exasperated the shot in his side, and he winced, one hand going to press into the bandages there before he pressed on toward the dorms.

He checked Finn's first. The door was closed, and he knocked, but received no response. After waiting a minute, he knocked again, then again, then finally pushed the door open himself. The room was clean- bed made, nothing on the floor. The window was open. He glanced around briefly before shaking his head and hobbling out again. His next stop was his own room, which looked almost the opposite of Finn's. The closet was a wreck, presumably due to Rey's search for his clothes, the bed lie unmade, every drawer of the dresser was open to some degree. The only part of the room that looked put together was his flight suit, which was hanging on the top of the closet door, ready to be worn at a moment's notice. But still no sign of Finn. Poe raked a hand through his hair before leaning against the wall with a heavy sigh, rubbing at his face. His feet ached from running across the gravel outside the med bay and the dorms, and the shots in his side and leg were screaming with pain. He breathed heavily, trying to catch himself and try to think of where Finn might be. He racked his brain of places they spent time together, and-

He left the room as fast as he could, making his way toward the hangar. His eyes trailed along the line of ships, then the land speeders. He grinned when he saw one missing, then managed to hop on one himself. Someone yelled at him, saying something along the lines of "Get the hell off of there, you haven't gotten med clearance to fly yet!" But Poe started the speeder up regardless and made his way out of the hangar.

Once he reached the border of the base, he could easily spot the clearing where he, Rey and Finn would race. He bit his lip and followed the clearing out to the tree line. He winced and briefly pulled his hand from the controls to rub at his shoulder, then shook his head and pressed on. In the distance was another clearing, where afternoon sun filtered through the leaves and bathed everything in a warm, golden glow. Poe squinted through the sunlight, slowing the speeder. His eyes caught sight of what he'd been looking for, the missing speeder in the lineup at the hangar, and he stopped, nearly falling flat on his face once he clambered off. "Finn?" He shouted, wrapping his arm around his middle to apply pressure to his side. "Finn? Come on, buddy, this really hurts!" He managed to get a sad laugh out, slowly walking through the clearing, the grass soft and cool on his bare feet.

"Poe?"

Poe spun around way too fast, gasping softly at the sharp pin that shot up his leg. He saw Finn, standing up from his spot against a tree. His eyes looked tired, and he had Poe's flight jacket balled up in his hands. They stood across from each other for a long moment, silent, before the jacket fell from Finn's hands and he broke off in a run toward Poe. "You _bastard_!"

Finn nearly knocked Poe to the ground with the force of his hug, pulling him tightly into his arms, one hand on the back of his neck as he buried his face into his shoulder. Poe laughed, eyes watering as he returned the hug, but winced softly. "Careful, I'm still sore," he muttered, his hands going to rest against Finn's back as he hooked his chin over his shoulder.

"Let me have this," Finn said- Poe would've taken it as a joke, but there was no hint of laughter to Finn's voice. Poe just swallowed and held him tighter.

"When you didn't come back, I thought the worst," Finn whispered, lifting his head from Poe's shoulder. "General Organa sent out a squad to find your team, but I just wanted to find you."

"I know, buddy, Rey told me."

"I overheard someone say they found you guys, but you didn't look good. I thought..."

"Hey," Poe said, finally pulling himself from Finn's arms, his hands on his shoulders. "I always look good."

And then Finn laughed, a loud and sad laugh that brought tears to Poe's eyes. Poe smiled, laughing back and trying to stop himself from crying, but he couldn't stave off the tears that fell down his face. Finn's shoulders shook and he lifted his hands to rest them on Poe's cheeks, brushing away the few tears he saw with his thumbs.

"You do always look good." He said, still laughing lightly. Poe shook his head, reaching up to wrap his fingers around Finn's wrists. He tilted his head into his warm hands, taking a deep breath before leaning forward to rest his forehead against Finn's. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "If I could've contacted you somehow, you know I would."

"I know," Finn whispered back, his hands going to rest on Poe's neck. Poe released his wrists, hesitatingly reaching out to place his hands on Finn's waist. He winced suddenly, falling against Finn's chest to get weight off of his leg, one hand going to press into the bandages on his side. "Are you okay?" Finn asked, panic in his voice as he went to support Poe to keep him from falling.

"Yeah," Poe said hoarsely before sighing and shifting to lean against Finn more comfortably, closing his eyes. "I ran out of the med bay before I finished getting dressed," he laughed softly, shaking his head. "General Organa's going to throw such a fit when she finds out I took a speeder out before I got medical clearance."

Finn laughed again, carefully wrapping his arms around Poe, nearly lifting him off his feet. "Well, then, let's get back. Maybe your punishment won't be as severe."

"How lucky would that be?"

"I don't know. You got lucky when you made it back. I was lucky to see you again. I feel like the odds are stacked in your favor."

Poe looked up. "You really missed me that much?"

Finn opened his mouth briefly to say something before deciding to just nod, a smile tugging at his lips. Poe grinned back, biting his lip before closing the gap between them, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to Finn's lips. Poe felt Finn tense slightly, so he pulled away after a short second, and smiled at him widely.

"I missed you, too, buddy."


End file.
